*sigh* I went to a funeral today. It was really sad, and I feel weird writing about this because I'm afraid that something I say is going to sound really stupid. Guess it doesn't matter.

About half a week ago, our relative's cook passed away due to cancer. We were going to go up to Port to see him for the last time, but we didn't make it. So tragic...so we didn't even properly get to say good bye to him...which is sad all on its own.

I never realised how much he's been there for us. He's been there our whole lives...and the thought that he won't be able to see Emily grow up- OMG it's so sad! During the funeral, I didn't understand what the priest/church...man, was saying, but I almost burst into tears. It's not all about missing what we had, but also missing out on what we could've had. I now wish that we all spent more time together...all of us.

It's sad because all these years, I never knew his name. Same with our great grandparents...did I even meet them before? I don't know. That's whats different with my friends and I...I don't even know my extended family and I want to know. It would be good to know how everything began.

But yeah...also, when they were burying his coffin, I almost cried again. I hope that he died fulfilled at life. He was 73, so he lived a pretty long life. I hope he is happy up there...up in heaven. In the photo he looked so happy.

I believe that I'll be able to meet up with all my family when I die...and I'll have achieved my life dream by then (musician). It's the one thing I want to do in life.

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[Where do I go, where do I go I'm uncertain.
Pause, can I pause time until I'm certain.

I've been thinking about something I don't know
What I got was nothing, not a single clue
I've been searching for something I don't know
All I got was nothing...now I feel like a fool.]

This is an extract of "Something I don't know" by Hazel. She's a really good singer/guitarist/songwriter, 20, and from Singapore!! Her aspiration is to be a professional songwriter, so please support her by subscribing.

No, she didn't tell me to advertise her Youtube...I just got that song in my head and started writing about her. Especially if you're a girl, the songs are really cool. So yeah...that song has been ringing in my head a few times this week. Seriously, where am I going? I'm sure there's a point in everyone's lives when they have to ask that question. What is the meaning of life? Is the meaning of life TO find out that own person's meaning of life?? Would my life end if I found out the meaning of life now, then??? I think I just confuzzled myself.

Oh, and for the record...my aspiration is to be a musician. Possibly a singer, guitarist, recording artist, [maybe teacher]...so basically I want to be in a position where I will be known. I know the path I'm choosing will be difficult and bumpy, but I'm willing to take risks for something that's closer to happiness. Happiness in this world can sometimes be hard to find, but I know that if I do make it in music...I will find happiness. (Of course though, I'd find happiness with a family of my own)

One last thing. (Well...three)

1. Dance. We have to audition on Tuesday, and I think our group is kind of ready...I hope so. I want our group to make it in for both Superheroes and Nerds. Hopefully we do..as long as we remember to over-dramatise the dance so that we can make it more effective and entertaining.

2. Report cards. I'm mainly scared about Maths (and English, a bit). I reckon I'm getting last in Maths for half yearly...but let's see about yearly. Hopefully I can get better in the yearlies and actually pass. I'm so terrible. I don't know why I'm giving myself a second chance, when I don't even think I deserve it. I hope though, that staying in Maths 1 was the right decision. If I can get at least 70% in the Yearly exam, I'll do fine in Maths 2. I'm afraid of what my parents will say and think when they see my maths result mark. >_< OMG I get nervous and scared everytime I think about it. I feel like crying.

3. Skipping. We have it on Friday. Is our team ready? No. Not even close. Hopefully everything will be fine. We'll probably have training at lunch tomorrow. I'm glad though, that I've had jump rope for heart all these years. It's shaped me into who I am today. I now have a flair for performing, I like seeing people happy when they see me, I like people getting my autograph taken, it's something I liked...even when I was in like Year 5. There was this really nice school who laughed and oooh-ed and aaah-ed at every trick, clapped, smiled and asked for our autographs. We even got free food and the whole deal. It was so heartwarming! <3

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